Being part of a world-famous platinum-selling* band can be a lonely life. Just ask our bassist, Juan Tusrivor. There are the fans and the groupies of course, but Juan is not really into that kind of thing. He shuns the dubious extra-curricular activities of our emotionally stunted and record-breakingly libidinous keyboard jockey Gene Poole-Skimmings. What Juan is looking for is true love.

One night, before a concert in Berlin, thousands of miles from his home in the Peruvian Andes, the loneliness all became a bit too much for him. As I eyed him gulping down his fourth pisco sour, I became concerned. Juan is the only consistently sober member of the band and is often called upon to drive the van when our roadie Ford Van Drijver has had one slice too many of his special brownies. That’s when our Afghan drummer, Kit Bashir spoke up. Kit rarely speaks, so when he does, we pay attention.

Kit explained that he had recently begun using online dating sites and had had considerable success. We all gathered round his computer and signed Juan up for one of them. Not the one Kit uses – Juan preferred one where he could see the ladies’ faces. It’s early days and Juan has not yet found the love of his life, but it gave me the idea for this song.

Later that night we debuted the song in a small nightclub just off the Kurfürstendamm. We gave Dee a nice guitar solo since his mum was in the audience on a Women’s Institute coach trip from Dundee, and she made this recording on some expensive recording equipment she happened to have in her handbag.

* Our keyboard player Gene Poole Skimmings sells platinum out of the back of the van between gigs.